Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
