she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
