he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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