You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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