I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
