I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
