I wish I only lived at night.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
