He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
