He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
do herpes really smell.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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