i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just want nice things and good sex
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
