so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
