i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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