In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
