let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
