I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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