Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How naked do you want me to be?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
