I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
