TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
