She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
