So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
