Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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