Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
