i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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