On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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