My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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