Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
