i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
