I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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