i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
