I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
