Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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