The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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