guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
