the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We were destined to go to rehab together
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
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