I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
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so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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