census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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