i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
