you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
