Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
