Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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