i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
