So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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