the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
