TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
