I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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