sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
