Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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