why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
