i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
