Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
