if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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