He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
