He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
