just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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