She's like a pop up book from hell.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
