Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
