New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just invented taco cereal.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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