It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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