I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
