So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
